A final Goodbye to 2013

Merry Christmas to you and your family as well!


To be truthful, I'm glad Christmas is over.  It was very hard this year for me not being able to call mom up and tell her how our day is going, what the kids got, how much they liked their gifts from everyone.  Mom never left my thoughts for a single moment, she still doesn't.  You know something amazing though, I've finally dreamt of her.  Since the day she died, I prayed to God every single night to just let me see my mom in my dreams, to let me talk to her, to let me hear her voice and nothing ever happened.  It was like he was ignoring me in my darkest moment....till the other night.  I finally dreamt of her.  I was lying on the couch, when the phone rang, it was my mom.  I started freaking out because how could she be calling me on the phone when she was dead.  I just kept yelling and screaming into the phone, repeating over and over "Mom, Mom, Mom", then she spoke just 5 simple words to me, that's all, just 5 beautifully amazing words...they were, "I'M NOT GONE, JUST AWAY".  I woke up as soon as she said those words and I knew right then and there that God had answered my prayers, that he had sent me an amazing Christmas gift all the way from Heaven.  It was so amazing and I cry every time I think about it or talk about it..as I'm doing right now.  Thank God I can type without looking at the keyboard because I can barely see through the tears streaming down my face..lol.  He answered my prayers and I am so incredibly thankful.  I still find it unbelievable that she's gone.  I still find myself staring at her picture and just asking myself "why" or "how can you be gone".  It just doesn't make sense and never will.  For some reason God needed her more than we did here on earth and as mad as that makes me at Him and as sad as I am and as broken as my heart is, I know she is safe, I know she is happy, she's with her family whose passed before her, no more arthritis, no more back pain, no more asthma, no more anything that was hurting her.  She's dancing with the angles, singing with her Gospel peeps (lol), she's watching over each and everyone of us and in a way, she's never really gone because she's in each and every one of us.  I'm so thankful that Fox and Nevada got to know her and spend time with her while she was here on earth, I'm so beyond thankful for the 38 years that I was blessed to have her as my Mom.  She will always be my best friend and I will always still confide in her.

This is a picture of my mom Beth (and Dad on my wedding day).  She passed away very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack on October 31, 2013.  That was the hardest day so far of my life.  I was at work when I got the terrible news.  Mom wasn't sick, she wasn't unhealthy...which is why this is so hard.  Telling my kids that their Nanny was now in heaven was like punching them in the stomach...I can still hear the sound they made when I told them...it was like my husband and I took their breath away.  My mom was such an amazing woman...the best mom a girl could ask for.  Love you more than life itself Mom.  You may be gone from this earth, but you will live on in the hearts of everyone you've touched.  I know you're looking down on us, protecting us from afar and loving us.  Thank you for the wonderful 38 years I was blessed with having spent with you as my Mom.

Worst year of my life...

2013 can not end soon enough for me.  This is a year I will never EVER forget.  It is the year that my families lives changed forever...the year my wonderful mom passed away.  She was my rock.  She was my best friend.  She was everything to me.  I miss her so much.  Love you Mom!!